Orwell (Self-Demonstrating) (Standard English Version)

For the original version of this page, see here.

For best results, read this in the voice of Rob Paulsen as Pinky from Pinky and the Brain and Animaniacs.

Hello, friends! I hope you don't mind my constant use of Newspeak in this self-demonstrating article; I don't know why I choose to speak it, either. I apologize if you can't understand what I'm saying; I might write an article written entirely in Standard English later. I am certain that Colton's Sylveon will be reading this and say that I'm above English again... and that she will compare me to sandpaper...

Regardless, hello! My name is Orwell, and I am a Crawdaunt owned by Kimberly Bond. I am the eighth Pokemon that Kim caught on her travels, and the third to be caught in Galar. It's wonderful to meet you! Even if you can't understand me, I'm sure that this will be fun!

Now... where to begin?

Personality

I will definitely admit that I can be... very odd to people that don't understand me. I can see where they're coming from, though: it's not easy to understand Newspeak if you didn't read the appendix at the end of 1984. Fortunately, Kim's Cinderace Elton is able to fully understand me, so we have a great relationship. I also have a great relationship with Kim's Kingler Peechee-- which makes sense! We're both crustacean-like Pokemon that speak dialects of English from dystopian novels!

But... we are differed by our thoughts about battles. Peechee loves battles... maybe he loves them too much... and I don't like batts! I really don't like them! I think they're torturous! One time, before I evolved, we went to the dimension of Ikoria, and t-there was a giant Luxray, and I was really scared... I shook and went into a fetal position... Oh, and also another time Kim went into a raid battle with Colton and there was a Dynamax Abomasnow there... I didn't want to battle it! I might be as scared of battling as Kim's Drizzile Freddie is!

But... I became less scared after Peechee helped me. Kim's father was mauled by a Krookodile and we had to go all the way to the Pokemon Center to see him... It was one of the worst days of my life... but Peechee helped me in learning to battle. I didn't want to battle... but I did want to learn how, and so I did. And... I still don't like it. At least the part where I hurt other Pokemon. I don't like hurting other Pokemon. Or fainting other Pokemon.

Now, outside of battle I am a very cheerful Pokemon, and even though I speak entirely in Newspeak, that doesn't mean I can't understand English. In fact, after my evolution into a Crawdaunt I can switch straight to using Standard English-- and then go right back to speaking Newspeak, but I only speak Newspeak to Pokemon and people who understand me, like Kim, Ian, Evelyn, and their mons. For all other Pokemon and people, I switch back to English. It is fun- and feels good to have more Pokemon understand me, even though I'm fine with just speaking Newspeak all the time. I have a lot of other friends besides Kim and her Pokemon-- Ian, Evelyn, Kendall, and their mons are some of them. I don't think Kendall's Sylveon likes me, though... one time she compared me to sandpaper and said I was "above English"... I don't know how I can be above a language, unless I'm reading a book upside down. Regardless, I don't think she likes me... in fact I think she hates me... I hope this is not the case. After my evolution, my personality hasn't changed that much... though I'm really scared of the fact that I'm a Crawdaunt. I'm worried that because I'm a Dark-type Pokemon, I'm evil... or at least I was. Fortunately, I had a lot of great friends who made me think otherwise. There is also a new Dark-type Pokemon on the team now... and he doesn't seem evil... so maybe this typing is good after all!

Oh, and also Kim likes writing personality profiles whenever she catches a new Pokemon. Here's mine.

"NEW POKEMON CAUGHT: ORWELL THE CORPHISH. HE IS... SLIGHTLY ODD, BUT IN A GOOD WAY. ORWELL IS RATHER SMART AND INQUISITIVE, AND VERY CURIOUS ABOUT THE LANGUAGE OF NEWSPEAK— TO THE POINT WHERE HE SPEAKS IN IT PRACTICALLY ALL THE TIME. IT'S PRETTY FUN TO DECIPHER— THOUGH I HAVE A FEELING IT WILL FRUSTRATE REVER TO NO END. ELTON LOVES DECIPHERING HIS NEWSPEAK. LIKE ELTON, HE HAS A THICK BRITISH ACCENT— THOUGH NOT QUITE COCKNEY."